(OR What Roleplayers say when they open their mouths without thinking (which is quite often))
Newest Quotes are now at the top of each list that is regularly updated - one shot lists are not re-organized

Follow these links to the amusing snippets of your choice....or read the quotes from One-Shot and Short Term games on this page...

Real Life Quotes...
My D&D Campaign...
Jeff Lawrence's Greyhawk Campaigns...
My Wing Commander Campaign...


From the Tomb of Horrors one-shot:

"The cheese is cold and moldy..." (The demi-lich is not a good housekeeper...)

"Must have Pickle...Need Pickle" (Said in your best evil Zombie voice)

"I don't want to know what a butt-boogie is..." (Well said.)

"It's a power zork..." (How do you describe spells?)

"Chapter 8, Combat: Odd Ways to Die..." (Ain't I a stinker?)

"All you undead are degenerates...We're gonna call out the Moral Right on you!!" (Ok.)

"I only have an AC of 2.....naked" "Shut up!" (Don't remind the Dexterity impaired of their shortcomings...)

"Hey, have a heart" "No" "How bout yours?" (That could hurt.)

"I want a veranda over there, and a swimming pool over there, and a Tomb of Horrors right there." (Said in your best annoying wealthy person voice. Construction crews are getting awfully good these days, wouldn't ya say?)

"I am burned alot. I am not to be healing you this round. I am burned alot." (Hey, he was burned alot.)

"You, sir, are a bug smear." (Like in the bug zapper lamp variety...boy, lightning sucks.)

"Grand Masters do it on a 17 thru 20." (Well they do.)

"It's a Vrock Mummy." "That is not even REMOTELY funny." (Well we thought it was.)

"Hey, baby, that's an awful nice portal you got there. Mmmhmm." (Trying to charm a teleportal again are we?)

"Unless the whole party's stupid..." (Need we say more?)

"Yes, it's the Siamese Twin Liches..." (That's just wrong.)

"We wait an hour for Tweedle Dum and Tweedle REALLY Dum to show up..." (Yup, that's them alright.)

"We have only just begun to understand the ramifications of canvas..." (Do I want to know?)


From the Simple Deed Convention Run

"He's not a hormonal human being??" (Pardon me...?)

"I majored in plants. Well, that was a waste of 4 years..." (When Ranger/Druids go dungeon delving...)


From the Expedition to the Barrier Peaks Convention Run

"I can affect a 15' radius with Antiplant people." (You don't say?)

"Sorry. I had an out of Dog experience." (That would involve the Gnoll shaman, right?)

"Can you speak to dead skulls?" (As opposed to live ones?)


From Alan's Campaign in his very own world (Name it already, will 'ya):

"If you bring an Elf an elf brain, he might be upset." (Luckie the gnome)

"If I stay in this city I'm going to turn into an alley rat and the devil will have my soul." (Frelof the Ranger. Who knew?)

"Hey, what did you do with the dead guy." (Luckie the gnome)

"We threw him down the pit." (Vashan)

"I just want to get through this area without getting eaten by a beetle." (Frelof)

"BIG beetle." (Halculaga the Barbarian)

"I'll do anything for you baby, but I can't do it if I'm dead." (Frelof to Marah the Cleric)

"Guys... He's an Orc, just eat the chicken!" (Raemel, to the party regarding Kali the 1/2 Orc)

"I can't memorize it, Goombah! I'm BLIND!" (Raemel)

"It's not his pet, it's his simian impaired companion." (Regarding the beast rider's very LARGE tiger companion)

"The druid's up north somewhere, set the woods on fire." (As a possible tactic against a thoroughly annoying Orcish army)


From a sorta Robotech, Traveller, Sci-Fi, Mutant, Fantasy Run - HODGE

"Martian tackles naked man, on the next Geraldo." (From Jared the Quote Machine)

"Name's FGMP, Forrest FGMP. My friends call me Heater." (From Jared the Quote Machine)

"Mama always said, Fusion is as Fusion does." (Guess)    


From Jeff's Robotech   

"Fine, I water down the jerky" (Military people are strange.)

"Can you swallon more quietly" (I think that depends on what's being swallowed. Shooo!!!)

"All she provides is thrust!" (Regarding the lady piloting the Beta fighter...woohoo!)


From a fine lady's Cyberpunk run

"You look like phlegm. Die Now!" (So sayeth an inspired MedTech in the strike team.)

"Take the AV........(shrug) ok.........(Boom).......We need a new NetRunner."  (We blow things up WAY to much.)

"Who needs Vic?" (The Solo as he blows up the nearest AV, which had been the NetRunner's province to date.)


There once was a Lady who took me to HellGate Keep , Evereska, and points south and said

"He can exhale Cloudkill." "Just ducky!" (I guess so.)

"It's got a face. Put it away." (As the dwarf tried to axe the treant.)

"Stay still, try not to look plump and juicy." (Well, um, ok.)

"You can shoot him now...!!" (Said the bard hanging from the demon-orc's back by his daggers.)

"Vaguely Orbular??" (Desperately hoping against beholderisms.)

"It's a Ghostial Form..." (Ghostial? Sounds like it got a sundial shoved up it...)

"No possessions have gone on to date...just kill the guy with the bat wings..." (Seemed like a sound plan to me.)

"Now its sitting on my cookies. Please remove your corn from my cookies." (Thankfully there was no tossing.)


From the Vampire Silhouette's LARP

"He even found my bronzed hamsters...." (You don't know anything about it. Really. And you really don't want to.)


From the Changeling LARP

"I latch onto your shoulder with my face." (That's a redcap for ya...)

"Kill da Wabbit! Kill da Wabbit!!" (Um, we didn't say that. Musta been those unseelie, Mr. Bunny Pooka.)


Suggested by a Strange Man I know (See the Quote Machine above)

"We are not ninjas. We just happen to be Asian and dress fashionably in black." (I don't even want to know.) 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but cement honors tradition."

"I don't drink to have a good time. I drink to silence the voice in my head."

"All creatures can get along, even Mice and Bears. But they can't mate, or the Mice would explode."



"The Undead do not discuss crotchless panties." (Well, they don't.)


More Quotes to come as they are spoken.

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