(OR What Roleplayers say when they open their mouths without thinking (which is quite often))
Newest Quotes are now at the top of each list that is regularly updated - one shot lists are not re-organized

Follow these links to the amusing snippets of your choice....or read the quotes from One-Shot and Short Term games on this page...

Real Life Quotes...
My D&D Campaign...
Jeff Lawrence's Greyhawk Campaigns...
My Wing Commander Campaign...


From the Twilight Campaign in the Forgotten Realms (w/ The Company of the Black Lotus):

(The nicknames of the original members of the Company of the Black Lotus)
"Stinky, Stumpy, Slurpy, Skinny, Saintly, Slinky, Shifty, Scuzzy, Swoopy and Stoopy..." (Scary, huh?)

"I hate Spiders" "What if he turns into an elephant and lands on you?" "Then at least I can HIT him!!" (You know, that ogre mage was a REALLY frustrating opponent, especially flying around polymorphed into a spider. Ain't I mean?)

"They can have a passing familiarity with good, but lets not have an unhealthy interest." (Well, certainly broadcasts your ethical intents in the adventure ahead...)

"Elves do lots of things." "Each other..." "Well, yes, if the race is to survive." "What race? There are no horses here?" (And it just went downhill from there.)

"Evil fruit shoot arrows at us...." (Ah, a long lost Thellnorism.)

"Iron Golems cant jump..." (Well, I'd rather be a white man anyway.)

"She's throwing flubber at him. Can that feel good???" (I have no idea, so don't ask.)

"You will NOT chew on the priest." (Well that's rather final.)

"So, what's in all the chest?" (Umm, whose chest? Not that it matters - heart, lungs, you know the basics...)

"God, does the drow tongue suck." (Said within ear shot of the drow. Hmmm.)

"If I was just dropped into a ditch somewhere, that'd be cool." (Well you're certainly easy to please.)

"Oh, the werewolf place is okay." (Ya don't say. Hmm, a little camping, a little full moon, uh-huh.)

"The only person who likes me is REALLY annoying." (Sounds like the perfect match to me.)

"I keep getting my maggots confused." (Well, that certainly is worrisome, isn't it?)

"A hairpire?" (A vicious lycanthropic undead which drains the vitality of your hair to fuel its unlife. Yeah, right.)

"I pull out my thing, and I start my bone up." (Um, in the middle of combat? Is that wise?)

"Do I hit these guys while I'm blown off?" (Well, aren't we able to concentrate.)

"Wishes are the most dangerous gift that you can be given, because more often than not, they will put the bone so far up your own ass that you'll be spitting chips for the next 6 1/2 weeks." (All I have to say is, "Wow".)

"Thellnor want tail. Thellnor not want tail in face." (Regarding Thellnor's 'orientation', and the non-compatibility of the cat-man in the party.)

"Elves really aren't buxom, though." "Keebler elves are buxom."  (Just don't ask.)

"You've found the midden pit." "Ok, I stick my head in. Wait..." (From the Crusader with a head like a rock, about how he was going to go about examining the goblin midden.)

"I can pick up the sword, does that make ME EVIL?" "No, it makes you IRRELEVANT!" (The Paladin and the Vampire discussing the pros and cons of a sword of evil.)

"But he wouldn't look good with breasts..." (Regarding Namique's hint to Anders that he could get 'enhanced' by the same spell she just underwent,)

"So, are they wearing black?" "Why, yes, they ARE wearing black." "What a surprise!" (An exchange regarding evil thiefly people's dress and fashion preferences)

"So, how much do you want to leak?" (Just don't ask...)

"Can I sorta LEAK in?" (No comment.)

"I'll head back to the house and get my cannon fodd- um, companions, to help me." (The rat in druid form, or is that the other way around)

"Damn. I can't mimic that." (The party's ventriliquist looking at a mute houseservant performing sign language)

"Wow. I REALLY SUCK." (Response to the above, with the understood comment that the character in question really sucked BADLY)

"Ok, I need a Con check to see how well you suck." (What dirty minds you have - it was not that, it was trying to suck out poison from a wound)


More Quotes to come as they are spoken.

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